The Train of INSANITY!
by le Fantome de l'opera
Summary: The entire cast of POTO are stuck for three weeks on a train together!
1. Chapter 1

I'm pretty new, so don't be too harsh when you review.

So, here's the scenario. The entire Main cast of POTO is on a train taking a 3-week long scenic tour of Europe, NO STOPS! They sleep, eat and do everything on the train.

The Grand European was the most posh train money could buy tickets for. Complete with Pool table, video arcade, sleeping suites, restaurant, spa, music room and exercise room, it had everything a guest could ask for. When the managers Opera Populaire went on a world tour after a smashing hit, they dragged along Christine, Madame Giry, Meg Giry, the Vicomte, Carlotta, her seamstress and makeup artist, Piangi, his little midget friend, the entire chorus, the stagehand, and a bunch of guests from the masquerade ball. Naturally, the opera ghost himself came in pursuit of his girlfriend, along with him came a hoard of screaming fans. The Grand European left the train station packed with passengers. Erik had taken command of the caboose, putting his mask collection, dummy of Christine and organ on the train as well. In the next car, the Phans took up a suite for their Phan headquarters. It was papered with pictures of Erik and filled with roses. Christine's quarters had a secret passage to Erik's room and a special lock. To open it, you had to be able to spell orange, therefore keeping Raoul out. Carlotta's quarters were a tribute to her self, and the chorus girls all slept in a car right next to the managers.

For the first few days, things were normal for Erik. He got lots of cramps from tying black ribbons on roses and writing threatening notes, lit a few things on fire, and prodded his voodoo doll of Raoul a lot. Raoul spent his days writing really cheesy love letters to Christine, trying to learn how to spell orange and doubling over in pain at the oddest times. Christine read a book on "how to get your boyfriend to finally commit to something" and having "music lessons" from Erik. And so things progressed happily until Carlotta found out how to work the intercom system.


	2. Chapter 2

The intercom system ran throughout the train, and each car had about four speakers. Erik was concentrating on a new song when a high pitched voice screeched out of the speaker. "Hello? Eez diss thang wairking? (Loud screech like a microphone getting to close to the amp) Oh I guess it eez." In the corridor Raoul was typing in random letters on the keypad, hoping the lock would work. When the intercom came on, he ducked screaming "NOT THOSE BLASTED VOICES AGAIN! NOOOOO! ALWAYS IN MY HEAD!" Carlotta's grating voice rang throughout the train, singing "POOOAAAR FOOL, he maiks mah laff, heh heh heh heh heh!" She then hit the highest note in her range. It sounded like a fire alarm, vibrating, on and on. Erik jumped up, grabbing his Punjab. He burst out of the caboose, yelling "I'm going to send that accursed woman to the inferno!" He was greeted by screaming fans. 10 minutes later he made it to the next car, panting. His jacket was gone, his mask was askew and his shirt sleeve was ripped. Raoul was outside Christine's door huddled in the fetal position. He looked up when Erik came in. "can you tell me how to spell orange?" he asked. Erik clubbed him on the back of the head. Quickly typing in O-R-A-N-G-E, he unlocked the door and barged into Christine's Room. She was jumping around in her bathrobe, her ears over her hands and singing at the top of her lungs, trying to drown out Carlotta's endless chorus of Think of me. Christine stopped jumping and singing. "MAKE IT STOP!" she yelled over the noise. "COME WITH ME!" Erik yelled.

"I HAVE TO GET DRESSED FIRST!"

"CAN I WATCH?"

"DREAM ON!"

Not long after they emerged into the steady stream of people heading toward the lounge and dining car. When they got to the front, everyone in the train was sitting in the chairs spread all over the lounge. Raoul was banging his head against the wall and everyone else was trying to drown out the sound. There, in the front of the train was Carlotta, singing at the top of her lungs. Raoul then had one of his few brain waves and went up and whispered something in Carlotta's ear. "Truffles in the 4th car!" she said, delighted. She rushed through the kitchen car, through the lounge, through the library and jumped onto the fourth car. Raoul then pulled the lever, separating the first three cars from the rest of the train. "YOU FOOL!" Erik yelled, striking him over the head yet again. Now, the managers, chorus girls, screaming fans, midgets, masqueraders, opera singers, Girys, makeup artists, seamstresses, Vicomte, opera ghost, peeping-tom stagehands and Christine were all stuck IN THREE CARTS!


	3. Chapter 3

fans have asked me to slow up. Don't be too harsh My on me though, I'm pretty new to this. Oh, and, by the way, COMING SOON! What would happen if Raoul found a pair of men's boxers in Christine's things? La Carlotta, You gave the best review. She told me to keep writing or else. Everyone else, you know who you are and you rock. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews!

At this point in time, Raoul is being hung out the window of the train by an enraged Erik, while Christine makes oddly frugal attempts to stop him. The chorus girls are practicing Hannibal on the dining table and the managers are eagerly waiting for Joseph Buquet to pick the lock on the wine cupboard. Piangi is dancing around singing "I'm single again!" over and over. Everyone else is lying around on the couches, watching Raoul screaming for his life.(it's quite amusing you know!)

1 hour later...

Raoul is pulled in because Erik's arms are tired. His hair looks like a 'fro and Christine is laughing her head off. The phantom decided to stick Raoul on the chandelier in the dining cart to get out of the way. He and Christine then retreated to a broom closet. The managers are slouched behind the on-train bar with a chorus girl in one hand and a bottle in the other. The Masqueraders have taken to punctuating every sentence someone says with "Masquerade!"

Piangi and his squidjee midget friend are debating the spelling of Carlotta's last name.

"Giudicelli!"

"Masquerade!"

"Guidicelli!"

"Masquerade!"

"Giudicelli!"

"Masquerade!"

"Guidicelli!"

"Masquerade!"

Etcetera, etcetera.

Back in some French railroad town,

A crowd has gathered around something that just rolled into town. It looks like half of a very expensive train. Anyone who tries to get on it comes out screaming something about the baying dog of Satan. Suddenly, out of the train comes an over made-up Italian woman. She is looking rather green and is holding a bottle of cooking sherry in one hand. She hiccupped, then said, "yay! An audience!" She opened her mouth wide, and the sound which then issued from her mouth sent the crowd running, screaming for cover.

Back on the Grand European ½, It was getting dark. Someone had the brilliant Idea to lace the Masquerader's martinis with Tylenol pm. They were out like a light, sprawled o the floor. Erik had fallen asleep on one of the couches and Christine had fallen asleep with her head on his chest. Raoul was sitting on the chandelier still. The managers and their dual girlfriends had fallen asleep behind the bar.

AN: I apologize! Somehow the end of this chappie got deleted and I need to finish it.

Everything is quiet……

Until…

THE ATTACK OF THE OBSESSIVE PHAN GIRLS!


End file.
